through it all, i still remained

I don't know where to begin, because I'm spinning too far away.

I met this person before. They were a mirror image of me, and I sometimes wonder if I will ever meet somebody so kind again.

I remember your hands used to fit in mine so perfectly. They were like gloves, keeping me warm whenever we sat in the cold auditorium. You made me feel like a million diamonds, raw and worth billions.

I used to let you call me names, treat me like dirt, and tell me how much you loved me all at the same time. We were horrible for each other. I don't know how we ever made it out alive, but I do know that you are my best downfall that I have ever had in this life.

I saw the ocean at my feet, and the shells cut into my ankles. The waves crashed into my body, breaking me into a mosaic of thoughts and feelings. I didn't know what I was doing, where I was going, or why you were smiling so deeply at me. I just know that you made me feel like I was at home. You are all that mattered to me that summer.

I went to the edge of the world once. It was all of the shades of the rainbow and there were stars all over the place. Everything was cluttered just so, and I wasn't quite sure what I was doing and how I was going to get back to my bed for the night. So I sat around talking to a stranger about life and pretty things. I don't know what happened from there, I just know that I made it with nothing more than a scar on my heart.

I watched you stare at me with lust in your eyes. I laughed uncontrolably, tried to cover my fear, and fell into a weird state of mind. Everything you did made me jump. I was cold, and your finger tips burned marks into my skin. You promised me you wouldn't hurt me. You promised it was all okay. So I drank from your cup and I smiled on into your eyes until I couldn't feel anymore. You left me feeling like I was rebirthed into a new person, somebody I still am meeting.

I called your phone the other day, drying to grab some sort of response from you. I spent days trying to impress you, and I don't know when I will be paid my reward. Maybe I was not naive enough, or maybe I just got a little too impatient. Maybe I should have said goodbye the day I packed my clothes into a couple of Yakima Apple boxes and ran out of dodge. Maybe I was too bad at playing your games, so you left me in the sand to build a mote. Eventually the walls caved in, leaving me open for the world to criticize.

I spent the spring with your friends. You numbed my mind and let me forget about everything. I fell in love with your smiles and the way you laughed whenever you were blown away. I listened to his views on life, and let him use my shower. I let you keep my towel. I wonder if it would have been different if we had just gone to the bridge and blocked traffic with our immaturity. Maybe I am not supposed to worry too much, and maybe everything that happened, happened for a reason. I probably will never figure you out, but that's alright with me. I know that we are broken in patterns that don't go well together.